I refuse to go on Myspace. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Just to be clear, I’m not speaking badly of hives of scum and villainy. I’m not “anti” hive of scum and villainy per se… I don’t want to be ‘that guy’.   It’s just that I’m very selective on what class of hive of scum and villainy I will go in. There are some very nice, upscale and business casual hives of scum and villainy that I enjoy. I just like a lot of atmosphere in my hives of scum and villainy. No apologies. Always been that way about hives of scum and villainy… probably always will be.

I relatively recently started going on Facebook which is sort of in theory like Myspace only that’s like comparing a nice stroll through the park to running through a mosh pit at a GWAR concert wearing nothing but a G-string made of Methamphetamines.

Facebook is a nice little place to go and read some crap one of your friends thought was important like how their new shoes are a half size smaller than the size they thought they were or something equally important like how yummy McDonald’s new McMeat Fillet is.  (or some stupid link to their self important blog about Myspace)  But it’s nice, you read, you play some games, you become obsessed with the damn games and can’t stop playing the damn games and you become enraged when people won’t accept your invitation to join in your awesome elf and dwarf fight with cards game because you could RULE the whole damn magic card kingdom if only people would just JOIN each and every one of your game requests but they DON’T.  Of course you don’t reply to their requests to join their games because their games are stupid.

On the other hand, MYspace just assaults you on every level.  It’s a mishmash of images and sounds and it is just too damn LOUD.   It’s too “Look at MEEE!” for me.  (unlike this blog… which is totally different… shut up)  With MYspace, its all “Hey, you want to read MY posts?  Well you have to listen to MY choice of music while you do it and have seizures to MY choice of hypnotically flashing backgrounds of butterflies or skulls.”  Not to mention the viruses.  MYspace is the seedy(aren’t they all) nightclub of the internet:  Loud, too much flashing, and pants-loads of viruses just waiting for you to touch them.

So MYspace can kiss MYass.  There.  Now that’s out in the open. You can resume your day with the knowledge of what I think about that stuck in your brain.

(as a side note, don’t just go checking to see if “myass.com” is a real site while your child is in the room.  It is….  and I lunged for the back button just in time so he didn’t see it but it is in my son’s words when I took him to see “Watchmen” without knowing that it was R rated: “un-appropriate”. )

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